Still Learn and Grow

Here's the tea: the decade challenge is too dense for me because I'm in my late teens. Of course a lot has changed since 2009 because I went through (and survived) puberty. Good meme, good meme. As I close the door on my third semester at Luther and lounge alone in my couch until my parents get home from their adult jobs, I write this blog in attempt to not rewatch the last season of Schitt's Creek or eat all of the cookies left over from my mom's birthday party. Merry Christmas everyone. I stay active on social media, but I close of many parts of my life to the world. It's not because I'm busy (although that doesn't help). Many aspects of my life are painful to talk about. Yes, I know the old phrase "It's not about how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up." But 2019 has been a slippery set of stairs. I've progressed beyond the points where I fell, but I still feel my bruises with every step. I felt unrea...

PC: Charlie Langton Matt Walsh, an influencer who credits himself as a voice for the young, religious right, posted a blog on the DailyWire with this title: "You Get Your Own Name. It Can Be Whatever You Want. But You Don’t Get Your Own Pronouns." His rationale can be summarized in these points. 1. The new pronouns such as "ze" are fabricated and make no coherent sense. Pronouns other than he/she are grammatically incorrect. 2. People don't use pronouns when they speak directly to a person, so the concept of using correct pronouns does not make sense anyway. 3. People genetically don't exist outside of male or female, so there is no reason to use these pronouns anyway. He claims that the reason that he argues these points is, "Nobody can provide any proof for any of these claims or any coherent answers to any of the questions I have posed. We are supposed to just accept their assertions, however incoherent, and timidly cooperate as they mutil...

As I was turning the page of my "Inspiring Women" calendar for the weekend (wonderful stocking-stuffer, thanks Mom), this quote came up: A few months ago, I probably would have chuckled at this. I love when women are able to respond to seemingly patriarchal comments. But not today. I'm bothered by this. I'm reminded of a conversation: I was talking to two of my friends from first semester–one cis male and one trans female–and, per usual of this group of people, we start talking about social issues. When the male friend started making disagreeable claims about women's rights (not reproductive rights–women's rights), I responded to him out of frustration and recklessness: "Hey, no uterus, no opinion!" To which my female friend says without skipping a beat, "Excuse me, I don't believe whether or not I have a uterus affects my rights in this respect." This was one of those "Oh shit," moments. The moment she started speaki...

Reflecting on a recent celebration of honesty and equality on National Coming Out Day, I remember a casual conversation with my parents and our dear friends Eric and Andrew. During this time, I would guess I am around 12-14 years old. Eric tells a funny story about how he had recently sent an email referencing the fact that he has a husband. The recipient of the email then sends back an email with the greeting reading "Mrs." rather than "Mr." We chuckle because we know that times are changing, and some people just have a tad bit of catching up to do: That being said, however, I reply in true middle school Abby fashion (not thinking before speaking and trying to be funny while ultimately failing): "That's funny," directing my attention to Andrew, "because if anything, you would be the woman in your relationship..." Because Andrew loves me like a daughter, he does exactly what a good parent would do: give me a little glare and a tip of t...

Rugrats: 90's cartoon classic and staple in my brother's and my childhood. As a "big kid" (more along the ages of 5 or 6) it was funny to look at babies and their thoughts on the world around them, including the lyrics to "My Country 'Tis of Thee" and thinking a lizard is the child of a cartoon dinosaur. But recently, I watched an episode of Rugrats that made me realize that the fictitious thoughts and opinions of babies help us understand the simplicity of some things in life. To give some context: at this point, the babies are all children of three sets of parents that are friends and neighbors: the Pickles(s), the DeVilles, and the Finsters. In this episode, the Pickles and DeVille parents fight in a game of charades, insulting each other. The two sets of parents end up in a fight that breaks the relationship. The Devilles then take their children home, and they end up fighting. This is where it gets familiar. Mr. Pickles starts ...

I've just started watching Glee  for the first time (don't know why I hadn't gotten into it before, but that's beside my point). Most of the episodes allow me to indulge what I love about musical theatre–setting a story to music. However, a moment that hit me right in the feels was about the cheerleading aspect. Longs story short, Mercedes (a bigger girl) joins the cheer squad to show off what she can do at a larger scale than on stage. Her coach wanted her to lose weight to fit into a skirt, and she ends up in the hospital because of a developing eating disorder. Quinn (a former cheerleader) knew how she felt, but Mercedes said that Quinn always had being skinny, blonde, and beautiful to fall back on as a tear rolled down her cheek. To make things clear: by no means have I ever heard a real coach say something like that, and I pray that no coach ever will–and if there has, I hope they never do again. Other than that aspect, I remember fitting day for cheerlea...

For many days, I tell myself, "Their words–they might be true. You weep because you cannot change How God created you." I went to gain a sense of worth From others' way of words; The problem with my expectation: My needs, I never heard. I longed so, for a better me, One that's not too loud, Not too tall, too large, too silly, Too open, too sassy, too proud. My heart would have to tug my head To stand itself back up: "Among the things you wish could change, Are some that others love." I have the strength to tell myself, "Your confidence make me blush; If anyone says otherwise, Don't think you are too much." "Your body's fine the way it is– You're tall to touch the sky; You laugh so loud, so lovely, dear, So hold your head up high." To those who long for comfort now, What I say is true: Love yourself, for you can't change How God created you.