Still Learn and Grow

For many days, I tell myself, "Their words–they might be true. You weep because you cannot change How God created you." I went to gain a sense of worth From others' way of words; The problem with my expectation: My needs, I never heard. I longed so, for a better me, One that's not too loud, Not too tall, too large, too silly, Too open, too sassy, too proud. My heart would have to tug my head To stand itself back up: "Among the things you wish could change, Are some that others love." I have the strength to tell myself, "Your confidence make me blush; If anyone says otherwise, Don't think you are too much." "Your body's fine the way it is– You're tall to touch the sky; You laugh so loud, so lovely, dear, So hold your head up high." To those who long for comfort now, What I say is true: Love yourself, for you can't change How God created you.

Over the last few days, I've heard comments about someone in our school. The comments were along the lines of that someone being too spoiled, that someone being hypercritical (mostly non-verbally), and that someone being more inquisitive than necessary. These may seem insignificant in nature, these subjects being "just an opinion" but I want to make this clear–that is an example of bullying. Ah, that word. We've seen it countless times in elementary and middle school, but we don't recognize it much in high school unless someone got physical or yelled inappropriately at someone. Much of bullying discussed in elementary and middle school are now referred to as "opinions", so it makes it sound like they have a right to say something mean about someone else. I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of this, but some people pass it off and don't realize it. This situation I talked about above is not an exception. Why is it not an exception? Why a...

Disclaimer: While this is mostly about suicide, many similar things can be said about substance abuse or distracted driving, so PLEASE consider the following. Recently a student in a neighboring town took their life. While learning about probability in math class, our teacher compared (statistically) the probability of us failing math unintentionally given we are students at our school vs. the probability of having serious thoughts of suicide given that we are a teenager in America. The main reason the prior has odds of slim to none is because the school constantly circulates those academic needs back to us and makes sure we know resources are available. That doesn't mean the resources to combat the latter are not available, but apparently some people have yet to be aware of or to comprehend their availability. My teacher then made it clear that any teacher, whether you have a class with them or not, is willing to talk things out. If you don't find luck, this is the ...

I wanted to share this because I come across people that have problems with themselves all of the time. I want to make sure those people understand that many (not all) people of whom they see as confident and secure are often on a very fine line of doubt. I appear to have a general "I don't give a butterfly's behind of what you think" attitude. Many people view me as super outgoing and confident, and I appreciate that. But though I have a lot of good days with generally good thoughts, I can't say it's like that all of the time. That's right, I doubt myself. A lot. These are all things I've thought of myself over many days for the last three years. "I'm not pretty enough to be a cheerleader." "I'm far from being as good of a musician as that person, maybe anyone." "I'm not smart enough to be in this class." There are days where I can just pick an outfit because it makes me feel like me, but other...

The busiest day I have had as a musician through the whole year has been Solo/Ensemble Festival: a full day of students singing and playing pieces of music prepared for a judge and possibly a small audience. I participated in eight events, overall learning 13 pieces of music. I had five acts as a vocalist, four collaborative pianists, three acts as a violinist, two lovely directors, and a partridge in pear tree–it was overwhelmingly awesome and beautifully exhausting. As my day at Solo/Ensemble was about halfway over, all was well until I came across something that not only didn't amuse me but also broke my heart . I ran into a student from a different school whom I had known from various other music events; the only thing–after years of "only" perfect ballots–this student was concerned with was getting a "Best of Center" rating for their solo (an honor distinguished to only one act during the day by the judge–this student hadn't achieved this yet). Thi...

Before I get into the specifics, there is something I want to clarify: I despise asking for help. There are three possible reasons for this: 1. There have been many times when the help is ineffective because I usually can't follow the process of what the teacher is talking about, and as a result, I get more confused. 2. As a child, I felt patronized when being given help. 3. I'm generally anxious about being an inconvenience to someone else, even if the person I'd be asking is a teacher. Generally, for most of the time I've been in high school, I almost never lost in the process of anything. If I got off course, usually the first explanation would get me sailing again. Math was definitely an area I didn't find too much trouble in until...*sigh*...vectors... (one thing to know for sure: 3 ...'s = 👎) Almost every day for this previous unit, I went to the teacher's desk during our work time in a panic. I felt super self conscious because I usually ...

The 89th Annual Academy Awards had a theme of inspiration. Between various categories, different actors/actresses would describe an onscreen portrayal that inspired them, and that actor would present with the actor that inspired them. I'm not a professional actress (or really a professional anything), but for this post, I would like to discuss a portrayal that I long to have express my gratitude for just as Javier Bardem did for Meryl Streep. Though this portrayal was a TV movie with no Oscar nominations, I had the video cassette, so I still count it as a motion picture, and I still find the same kind of "Oscar inspiration" nonetheless 😊. With my senses being (for lack of a better term) overwhelmed in the most delicate situations as a kid (due to my special needs ), I admired movies with the most tangible satisfaction. In the 1999 TV movie version of Annie, there were many details big and small that my 3-year-old brain would be emotionally satisfied by: the brushes...