Dealing with "Campsickness"

Last week, I felt what I can only describe as campsick. Clearly, I was not homesick for my house where my parents live and my hometown where my friends grew up because it's literally where I live. I was homesick for my home away from home, "a place apart". Coming into 2017, I missed the family that was created around me and the intimacy I had with creation. I missed the summer, a time where I could be outside all of the time and still be comfortable.

This was not the first time I had this so-called campsickness. I was finished with my session at camp for the summer on July 15 in 2016 after four weeks. I even felt on the drive home that I had a void to fill. The next day, I decided to go to Java John's. One of my friends was playing a set, so I went with the thought in mind that if I saw other people, I would forget about what I was feeling. The plan failed, but not miserably.

At Java John's, I saw many people that graduated that May. It was lovely to see them and talk to them before the went off on their endeavors in the fall, but it made me feel lonelier still. I was just a sophomore, someone that had been left behind. To phrase it like the Jack's Mannequin song "Dark Blue", I was alone in a crowded room. It seemed like the void in my heart swelled. I sat on a stool by myself, taking in the emotional song from the front of the coffee shop, weeping into my sleeve. I prayed in that moment for a sense of purpose, a friend, a change of spirit–anything that could take my mind off of the isolation.

I see out of the corner of my eye, lip syncing to the set in a humorous manner, my friend Carston. I hadn't seen him since May, so I wiped away my tears to eagerly great him. We stood next to each other for the last choir concert of the year, and I hadn't really thought of him since then, even though he was (and still is) one of my very good friends. As we caught up, I asked him about what he did over the summer and what he was looking forward to for our junior year. In turn, that got me thinking, "What am I looking forward to before next summer?"

Nordic Fest. All State practice. Football season, Concert Choir, cheer practice, classes, etc. ETC. ETC.! In actuality, before I realized so, I had full plate in front of me. It overwhelmed and excited me. There were plenty of places, experiences, and people–so many wonderful people–I had yet to see. Coming back from a mountaintop experience wasn't easy, but there was a reason I had to. There is much work to be done in my life, and I've only just begun. The best part is that I'll be going back, but in the meantime, I won't be alone.