This morning, I dropped my proverbial baby brother Sam off at the airport. After sleeping on my couch that he helped set up the night before, he changed his socks, checked over his overstuffed suitcase, moved some stuff to his backpack, and we headed to MSP on my way to work. He was leaving for Japan for his first job out of college as a teaching intern for math and science at a school in Tokyo. Before I watched him roll his suitcase away, he wrapped me in a hug and said, "See you soon."
My eyes welled up as I continued driving to work. They welled up when he texted me, "We're taking off, love you," and they're welling up as I'm writing this after work while he's still on his flight.
This year, I'm becoming more intimately familiar with my friends moving away. I'm trying to get better at maintaining friendships (both in person and long distance) better than I did when I was in high school and maybe even college. When I was a sophomore in high school, someone I considered to be one of my best friends at the time moved to Texas, and I have only spoken to him twice in the ten years since--it's equally our faults, he never made an effort to keep in touch either.
This may feel ridiculously intuitive to people before the iPhone generation, but we've taken for granted that we can pick up the phone and call anyone. One of the reasons we didn't talk was because I was far too anxious to reach out. I had his phone number for years (I still have the phone number he had in high school), and I never called him. There was a part of me that thought he didn't want to hear from me, but years later, I wonder about what would happen if I ever ran into him, what I would say, if we would have anything in common anymore.
Admittedly, I felt that way about a lot of my friends from high school. I rarely reached out to my classmates, even when I was in town, because I would convince myself that they had better things to do. Little did I know that it would make me feel isolated.
That's part of why I kept in touch with my beloved friend and chosen family member Sam. He lived on the other side of his world from his immediate family, but he made an effort to keep in touch with the people that cared about him. My first year out of college, and I felt lonelier than ever because I felt completely removed from the community I had built during my time at Luther. But I always had Sam, and he always had me.
The best thing I ever did for myself socially, musically, and spiritually was audition for choirs in the Twin Cities metro. In the Summer Singers and the National Lutheran Choir, I immediately connected to a diverse network of multiple generations of musicians and nerds like me. I formed and nurtured some of the most intimate friendships I have had in a long time. I leaned on these friends, and when I was with them, I didn't question their presence in my life.
But people are constantly moving on to the next chapter in their lives. They seek opportunities to grow, and sometimes that leads them away from the life they know and the people they love.
Among the motley crew we call the National Lutheran Choir, I befriended Kelvin (otherwise known as "Pookie") after a magical night of emo karaoke in Minneapolis. He was soon calling me every week, even if we saw each other the day before. I never had a friend that called me so much, but unexpectedly, I appreciated it a lot. I had a friend that was willing to take time out of his busy day just to talk to me and see how I was. For this and many other reasons, Kelvin is a very special friend to me.
Of course, I feel bittersweet about Kelvin moving to California for grad school. I'm ecstatic that he is going to thrive at CSUN and start fresh in a new place, and I'm selfishly sad that the closest friend that I've made in a long time will be two time zones away.
But like Sam, I welled up when I was pulling away from Kelvin's going away party, yet I was unworried about what would become of our friendship. I called Kelvin the day he left for his summer program, and he texted me when he arrived safely.
People like Sam and Kelvin make me feel better about being friends from far away. Life is too short to not pick up the phone and talk to the people you love. And in order to feel like we belong in this world, we have to make time for each other, no matter how far away we are. Sam and Kelvin, I love you both very much, and I'm excited to hear from you soon.
